For example, if you’re wrapping up a discussion about a bleak news article, change subjects with something like, “On a more lighthearted note, have you listened to the latest episode of that podcast yet? I really liked it. " Of course, if something bad happens, it’s okay to lean on your friends for support. You’re not expected to be positive all the time. [2] X Research source
If your friend asks for your opinion on some of their artwork, for instance, don’t pretend it’s perfect to avoid hurting their feelings. Instead, give them genuine feedback: “It might need some more contrast, because the colors fade together. Otherwise, it looks good, and I actually really like it. "
“You seem really fascinated with programming. Do you have a favorite language?” “I had no idea you’re an activist. What got you into the movement?” “Hold up, you were chased by a giraffe once?! What happened?”
If your friend shares something that they’re struggling with or are annoyed about, don’t immediately share your experiences or advice. Instead, ask them, “How are you feeling about it?” or, “What do you plan to do about that?”[6] X Research source Practice active listening. Listen to truly hear your friend instead of half-listening while thinking about how to respond. Then, reflect back what you heard by paraphrasing what they said.
For instance, if your friend tearfully tells you that they just broke up with their long-term partner, say, “I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now, but I can tell you’re really hurting. Do you want to talk about it?” Pay attention to your friends’ moods. If they seem “off” or upset, they may appreciate being asked, “Is something on your mind?” or “Are you doing okay?” (And on the flip side, if they seem excited, they might like being asked about their good mood. ) If you’ve been invited to an event of theirs, like a birthday party, try to show up. You’ll show that you care and want to celebrate and support them. [8] X Research source
Let’s say you got into a huge argument with your friend, and another friend asks why you’re in a bad mood. Instead of ranting about how rude or insensitive your friend is, just say, “I had a fight with Sam. " Or, let’s say your friend came out to you and asked you to keep it secret. If someone else asks you about your friend’s identity, tell them, “I don’t know, but even if I did, it wouldn’t be my place to tell you. "
If you can’t easily see your friends in-person, try texting each other or having video calls. It certainly doesn’t replace an in-person hangout, but it’s a good way to keep in touch. [13] X Research source
Let’s say you’re an extrovert who loves parties, but your friend is introverted and hates parties. Rather than dragging your friend out to parties or trying to convince them that they’re missing out, find a way to spend time together that both of you can enjoy, like hanging out at home. (You can always attend parties with someone else. ) If there’s a topic that tends to provoke fights, it’s okay to agree to disagree, or not discuss the topic. Say, “I can tell we’re both really passionate about this. I really value our friendship, so let’s agree to disagree and move on. "
For example, if your friend has given you an embarrassing nickname, pull them aside and say, “I know you’re trying to be funny, but when you call me that, I get really embarrassed. Please don’t call me that. ” Don’t make vague accusations or say “always” or “never”. Something like “Could you please quit copying me all the time?” can put them on the defensive. Instead, be clear about the problem: “I don’t like when you write similar stories to mine. It feels like you’re plagiarizing my work, and I want to see what kind of ideas you have, too. ”[16] X Research source
Let’s say your friend is a fairly smart person, but admits to you that they were scammed. Instead of asking how they didn’t see it was a scam, say, “Scammers are awful—I’m sorry. They can be really clever sometimes. " Showing empathy doesn’t mean agreeing with your friend. As an example, if your friend was caught cheating on a test, you can validate their feelings without validating their actions: “They’re calling you in to discuss it? That’s pretty nerve-wracking. I’d be anxious, too. "
For instance, if your friend tends to blurt out strange (but ultimately harmless) comments, you don’t need to ask them to stop. It’s just part of who they are. This doesn’t mean tolerating your friends’ behavior; it’s okay to set limits if you need to, or to end a toxic friendship. But you don’t need to make your friendship perfect, either.
