How often should the common living areas be cleaned? How are the costs of items like paper towels, toilet paper, or cleaning supplies split? Should overnight guests be announced in advance? What is the alcohol or drug policy for your living space? Who is responsible for making sure bills get paid on time? Are you okay with pets? When is it okay to borrow items from each other? Are parties acceptable? Is there a set hour that you should be quiet at night?
A white-erase calendar can be great for this, but in a pinch, you can also make a written list of responsibilities and hang it in a common space.
If you’re struggling to make friends, try joining clubs or hobby groups. Pretty soon, you’ll feel way better about not being able to count on your roommate as a close friend.
For example, if you want your roommates to do their dishes, make sure that you don’t leave yours in the sink for too long. Or, if you need your roommates to be quieter at night, be sure that you’re using headphones and keeping nighttime conversations at a low volume.
“Last night, I had a hard time going to sleep because of some of the noise. Would you mind keeping things quiet after 10 p. m. ?” “I noticed that the dishes have been piling up in the sink for a while. Can you make sure that you take care of those today?” “I know that you might be going through some difficulties right now, but it’s really important that you pay the rent on time. Will you be able to do this next month?” Although text might be okay for talking about minor issues, it’s better to save major conversations for a face-to-face conversation. Texts can become passive-aggressive quickly, and can sometimes lead to a lack of honesty. [5] X Research source
Instead of saying, “You’re messy,” say, “I feel frustrated that I have to do so much cleaning here. ” Instead of saying, “You’re loud,” say, “I feel exhausted during the day when the noise keeps me up at night. ” Instead of saying, “You’re inconsiderate,” say, “I feel like my concerns sometimes aren’t being heard. ” “I-statements” are less likely to put the other person on the defensive. [8] X Expert Source Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSWPsychotherapist Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
“It’s great that you’ve been cooking so much great food, but the kitchen is a mess. How about I help you clean it this time, and then we work on cleaning immediately after cooking in the future?” “I know your time with your boyfriend is important, but it’s tough for me when he leaves a mess in the bathroom. Let’s try switching our cleaning schedule so you two do the cleaning when he’s staying here. ” “I realize that times have been tough for you at work lately, but I’m having a hard time covering rent by myself. Can I help you look for a new job?”
For example, if the walls in your living space are too thin, try moving your bed to the side of your room away from the rest of the house. Or, if you share a room with your roommate, consider buying a room divider to give you each some more privacy.
The mental health benefits of spending some time outdoors are innumerable. Studies have shown that going outside keeps your stress levels down and can even improve your memory.
Talk to your friends or family members about your issues with your roommates, but be sure to ask them for advice. When solution-focused, a little bit of venting can make you feel better. [13] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source If you’re in college, try talking to your RA, who is likely trained in dealing with these exact issues. If your roommates are making you feel physically unsafe, you may have to get in contact with the police. Your safety matters. A therapist can help you process your emotions and give you conflict resolution strategies.
If you’re in college, your housing office likely has an option to request a room transfer. This is a relatively common procedure, so don’t hesitate to take advantage of it.
