Make sure you listen to your roommate’s input about the agreement as well. Go into the conversation without judgment, and aim to be supportive. When you have your agreement all written out, post it in a common area where you can both reference it at any time.
“From now on, I won’t be able to help you with your chores anymore. I have a ton of school work to do, and I also have my own chores. ” “I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t talk badly about me to your friends. It’s hurtful to hear the things you’ve said about me, and I’d rather you bring up problems with me face to face. ”
“Hey, could we talk for a second? There are some dirty dishes in the kitchen, and they’ve been there for a few days. Just wanted to see if you’re going to do them soon. ” “Could we maybe have a set quiet period at night? I’m having trouble sleeping, especially when you have a lot of people over. ”
“I was wondering if we could both agree to check in with each other before we throw parties. That way, we can fit them into our schedule so they work for both of us. ” “What if we made a chore chart? It would definitely help me track my chores so I know I’m getting them done. ”
If they’re constantly passive aggressive, they might not know how to bring up things that are bothering them. If they always gossip about other people, they might be feeling insecure or jealous of others. Try to recognize that your roommate’s problems are their own, not yours. The more energy you can put into your own well-being, the better.
If your roommate overreacts about something super small: “Don’t you think you might be overreacting a little? You did pretty much the same thing last week, and I didn’t yell at you about it. ” If your roommate is being passive aggressive: “Hey, is something bothering you? I can tell you’re upset because you aren’t talking to me. Why don’t we sit down and have a conversation about whatever it is. ” If your roommate talks about you behind your back: “If you have a problem with me, I’d love it if we could talk it out together. Hearing about our issues from other people isn’t fun. ”
“Thanks for doing the dishes. The kitchen looks great!” “Hey, thanks for using headphones last night to listen to music. I slept great. ”
If they really aren’t getting the hint, try saying something like, “Hey, sorry to interrupt, but I’ve got a huge day tomorrow and I need to get to bed. ” If your roommate gossips about you, try to surround yourself with supportive friends. They can help deflect rumors and prove that what your roommate said isn’t true.
Plus, you want to hold yourself to the same standards that you hold your roommate. If you ask them not to talk badly about you, you shouldn’t talk badly about them, either.
If you have a partner, consider spending a few nights a week at their place, if they’re okay with it. You may also want to start looking for a new living situation. Living with a toxic person can be exhausting, and you deserve to feel relaxed in your own home.
If you’re having trouble sleeping, invest in a good pair of earplugs, too.
