Search online or at a local library or bookstore for information specific to your illness—particularly for accounts by/about those with the same diagnosis—to discover how others have coped.
In addition, learn to recognize common end-of-life symptoms so you can treat them, if possible, and improve the quality of your remaining time.
While such feelings are normal, how you will react to and manage them on any given day will be unique to you. Some days will be better than others, so forgive yourself in advance for the times when you don’t handle something as well as you’d like to.
Depending upon the nature and extent of your illness, and after discussions with your healthcare provider(s) and loved ones, ask yourself if you wish to pursue all of the treatment options available to prolong your life.
Or would you rather focus on enhancing the quality of your remaining time and spending it with your family and friends? Somewhere in between?
Making an informed decision about how you wish to chart your remaining course can help alleviate feelings of helplessness and fear.
While the nature and extent of your illness, treatment methods and the priorities you set will influence your decision, there are many options available to you.
While many Americans would prefer to die at home, others might choose a hospital, nursing home or hospice facility, which can offer a greater level of skilled treatment.
After contemplating which setting you most prefer, discuss it with your healthcare provider(s) and loved ones to make sure it is a viable option.
Your family and friends might also feel awkward or uncertain about what to say or how to act around you as they worry about uttering the wrong thing or reminding you about your illness.
In addition, fears concerning future financial support, childcare or other practical matters will undoubtedly cross their minds at some point and likely trigger intense feelings of guilt for being “selfish” at a time like this.
Therefore, as much for them as for yourself, sit down with those who love you and discuss honestly and openly how you’re feeling, and allow them to express their thoughts and emotions, as well.
Let them know how important their support is to you and that, as much as you can, you will be there to support them too.
Again, depending on the nature, extent, and physical, mental and/or emotional changes you anticipate as your illness progresses, ask yourself if and for how long you want to continue handling daily chores, assuming you still can.
If you were responsible for cutting the lawn, picking up groceries, doing the laundry, paying bills, preparing meals, etc., consider who could or should assume those responsibilities when you’re no longer able or simply wish to let go of them so you can devote your time to something else.
You should also consider creating an advance healthcare directive, which puts your specific desires about your future healthcare in writing.
This legally binding document encompasses two parts. The first is a durable power of attorney for health care, in which you will name someone (a proxy) who can make medical decisions for you should you become unable to do so.
The second part is a living will, in which you can spell out the treatments you want or don’t want at the end of your life. In addition, depending on where you live, you might be able to create a Do Not Resuscitate or Do Not Attempt Resuscitation order.
These documents, which both you and your healthcare provider must sign, specify that you do not want a full resuscitation effort if the time comes.
Finally, consider donating some or all of your organs or tissue, if possible, in order to give others the gift of life. You can include your instructions in the advance healthcare directive.
If you haven’t already done so, as many people now do, then you should preplan your funeral or memorial service to ensure your wishes are met and make things slightly easier on your loved ones.
If you find this task too difficult to face, you should at least try to speak to someone in your family to let them know what form of final disposition you would like (burial, cremation, entombment, etc.) and the type of service you prefer (a traditional funeral in a church or funeral home, private cremation and a memorial service later, etc.).
Perhaps, but the sudden death of a loved one often compounds the grief felt by survivors as they recall things they wish they’d said but will never be able to now.
In the days and weeks ahead, make a point of telling your friends and family members the things you’d like them to know—that you’re proud of them or that you love them—and don’t be surprised when they respond in kind.
Yet, given the pace of life as we hurry from one thing to another, too few of us understand that the most profound and memorable moments of our lives don’t just happen on exotic vacations or big events but all around us, every day, whether we see them or not.
In the weeks or months ahead, if you find yourself overwhelmed with some of the preceding tasks listed here, or by the other items on your list, tell yourself it’s okay to just stop and take time for yourself.
Watch the sunset. Hold your spouse’s hand or that of your child. Listen to the birds sing. Do whatever you need to do to find a simple moment of joy. You might not have the gift of time, but you certainly can make the most of the time that you have.
