That’s the lesson one redditor learned from her recently deceased mother. When the redditor’s father was upset that housework was backing up due to his wife’s new job teaching at a kindergarten, he told her to “tell your boss you’re quitting”—so she did.
“This isn’t my story, but my mother’s. She died recently at the age of 89, and my sister and I were reminiscing. This is one of our favorite stories involving our mother. My brothers called her ‘V’ because her first name begins with ‘V,’ so I’ll refer to her as V,’” u/sweetsophiebrown wrote in the popular r/MaliciousCompliance subreddit.
“Now my dad was always a bit of a bully, especially towards my mother. My dad was not a nice person, and that’s a whole story in itself,” the redditor continued, clarifying that it was V’s first job since she married. “Now my dad insisted that if she was going to hold down a job, she still had to do all her ‘chores’ when she got home…..cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. I can’t remember exactly what prompted the argument about her ‘chores,’ but something didn’t get done that he expected and demanded that she do.”
In response to the missed “chore,” V’s husband told her that she was to tell her boss she was quitting. The redditor added that he even reminded V when she left for work that morning.
“Cue ‘malicious compliance.’ I loved my mom. She went to work that morning, stopped at her boss’s office, and said these exact words….‘My husband said to tell you that I was quitting,’ and then moseyed on to her classroom. A few minutes later, her very puzzled boss popped in and asked her if she was serious. She said ’no, but my husband told me to tell you I was quitting, so I did.’”
V stayed at the position for another several years. In a later post, the redditor shared that their marriage was as rocky as one might expect from this story—and V’s husband left her for a woman he was having an affair with, leaving her “destitute.”
Though u/sweetsophiebrown said that her father was never physically abusive to V, he treated her poorly and emotionally abused her. Emotional abuse often manifests itself in controlling behavior, where the abuser demands their own needs be met, even at the expense of the partner’s own needs—for example, telling one’s wife to quit her job rather than helping her out with the housework.
Other signs of controlling behavior include making ultimatums, insulting people when things don’t go in the abuser’s favor or using jokes to disguise criticism in front of the victim’s family or friends, according to the therapy site supportiv.com. Abusers can also use psychological manipulation and gaslighting, physical abuse and financial exploitation to hurt their victims.
If someone finds themselves in an abusive relationship, it can help to make a plan to leave. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services’ Office on Women’s Health recommends that such a plan include:
Create a safe word that can be used to notify friends and family the victim is in danger without the abuser knowing. Find a safe place, unknown to the abuser, where the victim can meet friends who can take them away from the abuser. Keep a hidden phone the abuser doesn’t know about—even if it’s a prepaid phone. Memorize important phone numbers, including numbers of nearby shelters. Put important documents and other items together, so they can be easily taken with the victim. If possible, this should also include an extra set of car keys and extra medicine for the victim or any children involved. Documents that should be included are any birth certificates, identification and Social Security cards for the victim and any children, health insurance cards, financial records and bank statements, housing documents, a recent credit report, vehicle paperwork, tax returns and a written copy of important addresses and phone numbers. Lock down social media, so the abuser cannot track the victim.
For more information on escaping an abusive partner, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline, at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
The original poster’s fellow redditors praised her for sharing her mom’s story, and agreed that V was the hero and her husband the villain.
“I thought she would tell her husband that she was quitting working for him,” u/fatzgenfatz wrote.
Redditor u/TheNavitas agreed.
“I like her sass. Sounds like she had some Charisma and backbone. I imagine she was a wonderful strong woman to have to deal with a husband like that,” they wrote.
The story reminded u/W1nt3rmute of another famous V.
“Great story, especially since I imagine your mom wearing a Guy Fawkes mask and black robe to her classroom,” they wrote, alongside a quote from Alan Moore’s graphic novel, V for Vendetta:
“The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.”
Newsweek reached out to u/sweetsophiebrown for additional comment.
