In college, I discovered the joys and pitfalls of League of Legends. My sophomore year, a friend introduced me to the game and claimed that once I got the feel for it, I couldn’t put it down. After going home that night and downloading it on my potato laptop (it was six years-old at that point) I tried League of Legends for the first time. Running down mid lane as Annie, a young girl with pyrotechnic abilities, I died at least six times. The next game it was only four deaths. The next few games I started to get kills, understand lanes and how the MOBA worked. Before I had noticed, it was 4 a.m. and I had class in two hours.
League would continue to dominate my existence for the next four years. In class, I’d doodle item builds and team compositions in my notebook as I tried to get out of the lowly Silver ranked mode that I had dug myself into. My grades slipped as I’d spend more energy working on my Annie reaction time than chemistry equations. It took me an extra two years of college to graduate, having to retake a few courses because League wouldn’t let me go.
To my addict brain, having a couple extra years of college was a blessing because I’d be able to play more League. With class only once a week and a patient mother picking up my tuition tab, I’d wake up at 10 a.m. and play at least eight games of ranked a day. My chair was more sweat than ass at the end of the day, and each increase or decrease in LP dictated my mood. Losing two games in a row turned me into a vicious monster who had no problem screaming at the top of his lungs, blaming teammates but rarely myself.
League of Legends was a toxic addiction. I knew I had to quit. After graduating, I promised myself I would uninstall the game until I found a job. After a couple relapses to play placement matches at the start of seasons, I eventually kicked the habit. Over the past three years, I’ve barely touched Summoner’s Rift.
Teamfight Tactics new ranked mode has me worried I’ll go down that rabbit hole of obsession again. With a new chance to grind ELO and prove superiority, I’ve done very little but play since it released on Tuesday. With each match lasting around an hour, it’s hard to do much of anything else. I’ve climbed out of Iron, Bronze and ended up in Silver. I must prove that I am better than that. I worry that Teamfight Tactics will suck me in like League did all those years ago, but now I have rent to pay and a job to keep.
I wish myself luck as I queue up for another round and hope I don’t lose. Because I can’t stop playing on a loss.
